3 months down, forever to go!


I am not sure where to start this. The beginning? You were born at 1:52pm on March 29th. You weighed 9lbs and 13ozs. You did not want to come out, that’s for sure. It took two doctors and a vacuum to pull you out and into this world, and when they did you screamed in protest! It was the sweetest sound my ears have ever heard. You were so big Christopher. You barely fit into your newborn clothes and were able to hold your head up and throw it around. When I saw you in the nursery lined up with the other babies you did not look like a newborn! We stayed in the hospital for 5 days, I had a hard time parting with you when the nurses would come for vitals. Everyone said I should have let you hang out in the nursery more but I couldn’t bear to be away from you for a minute.

The first few weeks were hard. You wouldn’t go in the bassinet and the crib was too far from our room so I let you sleep in our bed. I was terrified to roll on you so we didn’t get much sleep. You were up every couple of hours to be fed and that just wasn’t working for us so we started giving you a little bit of rice cereal in your bottle and you started sleeping 12 hours at a time! SUCCESS!

Around 5 weeks old you started “talking” to us. You loved to make eye contact with me and just tell me stories. Every once in a while you let out a loud scream and your hands and feet start going in excitement. You are totally able to hold your head up and grab things but you absolutely HATE being put on your tummy.

A few weeks ago (you were 11 weeks old) it was around 2 am and you started to cry-completely out of the ordinary for you. I ran down to your room to check on you and you had ROLLED OVER! You were crying because you couldn’t figure out how to get from your back to your belly, so we had to flip you back over. This has become routine for us. Every now and again in your sleep you turn yourself over and call for us to come flip you back! Daddy calls you an “angry turtle”.

I went back to work when you were 11 weeks old. That was by far way harder than I thought it was going to be. For some reason I have it in my head that no one can take care of you the way I can or love you as much, I know I am right! I love every minute we spend together. I love that I know you, all of your cries, your cues, your smiles. I love the time we spend together getting ready for bed. Bath, massage, a story then bed. I love being the first one you see when you wake up in the morning and the last person you see before bed. I love just sitting quietly and listening to you suck your thumb on the monitor (your thumb is always in your mouth)!!. When I am not with you I don’t feel complete anymore, you have changed my life.

Remember my promise to you- as long as you keep sleeping through the night, there’s nothing we can’t handle!

Love you Ma-mush,


Fifth letter to him….

To my son,

This is it kid! Less than 7 days to go until you are officially due. I am starting to realize that although you are due in 7 days, it doesn’t mean that you are going to be here in 7 days! You really are the boss. We are but mere pawns hanging on your every movement. At the last ultrasound 2 weeks ago you were weighing in at 7lbs 10 oz- the sonographer said she couldn’t get a
“real good measurement” because your head was low and sitting in the perfect position. When I went to the doctor last thursday I thought for sure I would be dilated a little but no such luck. We are only 20% effaced and at a -2 station. I guess you are real comfy and cozy in there because you are making no attempt to get this ball rolling!

I made it through almost 10 months with you without any new stretch marks! But then the other day I noticed my belly was itchy and when I looked in the mirror there were little purple squiggles all around my belly button. Super! Definitely not milfy at all! I do feel as if I am slowly being initiated into the “mom” club though!

My bag for the hospital is almost packed and you officially have health insurance! I registered you for Viacord and will be banking your cord blood. Hopefully we will never have a need for it and it can just be there in case. But I sleep better knowing that we have that waiting for you if a reason ever arises.

I am officially on maternity leave. I have to admit to you, for all the complaining I do about working so much, I have only been off 5 days and I am already going stir crazy. I have ripped the fridge apart and washed the floors twice already. I urge you to hurry up and come soon before I start repainting the bedroom. If only I knew how to sheet rock!

Well I think thats about it for now. This will be the last letter I write to you while you are still inside of me. I have enjoyed carrying you every minute of every day. I have welcomed the kicks and the tumbles, the hiccups and the heartburn, the frequent peeing and the lack of sleep, the deafening snoring and even the tree trunk legs and the low back pain.

I promise to love you every day of my life…I can’t wait to hold you!

Top 10 things that terrify me about labor & delivery

1. I don’t want my water to break in public. Mainly because I don’t want people thinking I just peed myself or even worse, thinking my water actually did break. I find this event causes people to panic and since panic is contagious I think I will panic too.

2. I don’t want an IV started in my hand. I have always been bad with needles-especially large-bore catheters placed permanently in the body. I understand it’s necessary, I just don’t like it.

3. I don’t want cheerleaders at my bedside. I do want support from Mchubby and whoever else I invite to come watch me birth this football but I don’t want any of this “YOU CAN DO IT, PUSH, YOU’RE DONG GREAT HANG IN THERE”. I really think that will get on my nerves.

4. I don’t want to labor for 43 hours only to wind up having a C-section.

5. I don’t want a C-Section

6. Although the thought of McHubby down there watching his son being born warms my heart,  I fear if he sees what it looks like 10cm dilated and in that state that he may never travel there again

7. The dreaded episiotomy. This may be one of my biggest fears. I get that I will be in so much pain that I will be begging for him to come out. BUT, I do not want anyone cutting my chuckolina open. I thought they cut you with a scalpel then saw a video of them using a scissor, like you’re a fucking arts and crafts project. No. THANKS.

8. Poopin and a pushin. I really don’t want to poop myself during this ordeal. I mean, is it necessary? How do I avoid this? Someone told me to push like I was going pee instead of  going poop. HUH? Is this whole process not humiliating enough that I may have to shit myself in a room full of people?? AGAIN?

9. Delivering the baby in the car. I know, I watch too many “I didn’t know I was pregnant” episodes. So many that I made McHubby bring an obstetrics kit home from work in case we go into labor in the car on the way to the hospital. What if there’s traffic? What  if the car breaks down? You can not be too prepared if you ask me!

10. Having a piece of placenta left in me after delivery, my pressure bottoming out and me dieing before I ever hold my son. I know. Stop. I can’t help it, knowing too much is a dangerous thing sometimes.

Fourth Letter to him..

To my son,

I am sorry this letter is so late. I have been trying to write to you every month but unfortunately life gets in the way. I have had so much going on these past few weeks that I couldn’t find enough time to sit quietly and write to you.

I am 35 weeks, we are getting down to the wire kid 😉 This is how big you are!!!

You are moving all the time. I am able to feel your feet when you try to push them through my tummy! You twist and turn and stretch mostly during the night. You have figured out how to hook your toes right up under my right rib cage and when you do that you literally take my breath away! I have to sleep with lots of pillows now because the weight of my belly pressing up on my diaphragm makes me feel like I am suffocating. I have officially lost site of my ankles and my legs hurt so bad sometimes I can’t make it up the stairs…BUT, I love every minute of it and wouldn’t trade it for the world. The other night your dad and I were watching TV and I felt you making the same tiny movement over and over for about 3 minutes..you had the hiccups! We both laughed and smiled as we laid there trying to feel you.

On January 25th we went to beautiful beginnings for a special 4d ultrasound. I invited all of your close family and a few of your cousins to join us for this special “sneak peek” of you! Although it wasn’t really necessary to have this ultrasound, I couldn’t resist doing it. I wanted to see the details to your face, wanted to catch you smiling or sucking your thumb. Turns out you have a full head of hair (says the sonographer-don’t know how accurate that is seeing as neither your father or I have a full head of hair)!! All and all it was worth it. Watching Grandpa’s face when he finally figured out what he was looking at was priceless. There were smiles that money couldn’t buy, smiles that only come out in the presence of true love. At the end they gave us a dvd and some pictures to take home and they also recorded your heartbeat and put it in a bear for me to keep always! This is you at 30 weeks, you are so much bigger now!

Your Aunt Toni and your Gran threw us our baby shower on February 6th. It was at the Ceola Manor in Jefferson Valley, NY (your Aunt Toni and Uncle Derek were married there)!!!  Although I would like to say I walked into a great big surprise party-not a fan of surprises-I have to admit I did know about it. For the beginning of February the day was perfect! The sun was shining and the weather was perfect. The room was beautifully decorated, there were tulips on every table in vases adorned with blue ribbons and colorful white and blue stones. Mylar balloons held in place with rolled up diapers that were placed around the room. You were able to look out a great big picture window to a lake half-frozen over with ice and ducks playing in the water. There was an L shaped table that was overflowing with brightly wrapped presents-it took over an hour to get through them all!  It was like Christmas again but only it was all for you.  The gifts for you are still coming in the mail! Feels like every day something new is arriving! I can’t express the gratitude I feel toward my friends and family for loving you so much already.

Your nursery is finally done! Your Nana (Dads mom) bought your entire set of nursery furniture. It looks beautiful against the blue and brown walls your Uncle Derek painted for you. Your drawers are filled with tiny little outfits and your closet is filled with toys and games! I don’t know how such a little person can occupy so much space. Your stuff has taken over the guest room, the linen closet and half the guest bathroom! That can’t be normal! Here are some before and after pics of your brand new room!

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So my love that pretty much catches you up on all that has been going on around here. In less than 5 weeks we will welcome you into this world and into our family!  To say that we are anxiously awaiting your arrival is an understatement. But, don’t get any crazy ideas and come too early, you need to bake for a little while longer!

Love you,


Happy Anniversary

2 years ago at this time we were sitting on the beach listening to the ocean and enjoying a daiquiri and I was getting ready to marry my best friend.

I remember meeting you for the first time. I had spit up on my left shoulder and my clothes smelled of formula from watching the little man all night. But, you insisted on meeting for a quick bite. I did my makeup in the car as I drove to your place anxiously with butterflies in my tummy. As I sat across from you I listened to you drone on and on about yourself, God you were arrogant. But, I did find your confidence incredibly charming and I was drawn to your personality. You told me matter of factly that you were not looking for a relationship and had no interest in anything serious, instead of listening to you I fell in love with you! We became best friends and spent most of our free time together. You made me laugh like no one else and while other people didn’t get your personality I always understood you. Our friendship quickly turned into an incredible love for one another and we haven’t looked back since.

 I am such a better person with you in my life. Instead of defining who I am you compliment me. You support everything I do but ground me when I want to do things that are far-fetched (like throwing my nursing career away to become a tug boat captain)!  You love me unconditionally even when I drive you crazy. You have taught me patience and responsiblity and I am such a better person because of you.

We have experienced so much in such a short time together.  You took me to Europe and we discovered and explored a brand new place. We rode in a gondola and we danced to the violins in the middle of St. Marks square, sometimes our love feels surreal. It hasn’t always been sunshine and roses though has it? We have gone through our fair share of ups and downs, and we experienced loss and heartache that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But we got through it, and now we are a month from becoming a family and I love you more now then I ever thought was possible. 

 Happy anniversary love, only 58 more years left…lets make them count!

Somebody turn the lights on!

The other day I took a trip to  Macy’s  to see what they had in the way of baby furniture. No sooner did I park the car I had to run to the bathroom. Recently, the urge to tinkle  comes about every 25-30 minutes. The frustrating part isn’t how many times a day that I am in the bathroom, it’s the quantity of the pee that comes out! Barely enough to even call it a tinkle! The long drawn out, sometimes painful production that I have to go through for 2 teaspoons of urine is just not right. The days of hovering over the toilet are gone. I am so unbalanced that I would fall forward and knock myself unconscious.  Instead I have to first “build a nest” around the toilet seat in order to sit comfortably. Once sitting I have to bend over the belly to get to the toilet paper (you would think I would remember to grab some TP before I was sitting but nope, never remember). This can take a couple of try’s because if I am not fast enough I will lose my breath and have to start over-the amount of reflux that ensues is horrible and lasts ALL. DAY. LONG.

So, I am sitting there on the bowl getting ready to wipe my chuckolina when all of a sudden the lights go off in the bathroom. It’s pitch black in a strange bathroom and I have my pants off over a body of water…I don’t know why but the story of the  snake that crawled out of some ladies toilet in florida popped in my mind and I FREAKED OUT! I start waving my hands and flailing my arms about to make the lights go on but, nothing! And now I have dropped the wad of TP I was going to use to wipe myself with, sonofabitchhhh!!!

I  stand up and search around for the  door latch when a woman walked into the bathroom.  I’m sure she  assumed she was alone because as she walked in the lights went on, and when she saw me swing open the door she screamed. Then I screamed! And then I peed down my leg.  Shhhiiiitttttttt.

Needless to say I didn’t find any baby furniture. When will I learn to just shop online?

Third letter to him..

Month 7 (28 weeks)

To my son,

This has been a month of milestones my love. First and foremost we are officially in our last trimester! We have made it to a place I thought I would never see and I am beyond ecstatic! You are just about 2 1/2 pounds now. You are opening your eyes and sticking out your tongue all inside my belly! You are becoming more and more active and really get going around 6am. The other day when daddy was leaning on my belly you gave him a swift kick in his back! You do not like anything crushing your space. I can no longer sleep on my belly and bending over is becoming more and more difficult! The heartburn is out of control these days, nothing makes it better. My feet are constantly swollen and my hands and face are getting plump! I made an appointment for the 4D ultrasound and have to ask you a favor. Since this will probably be one of the last times to capture you on film while you are still inside me can you please cooperate? No turning over and mooning us like last time, I would really like some pics for your baby book!

Second milestone of the month was surviving the holidays. I was almost run down by an SUV at best buy on black friday trying to get your father a PS3! Never again! I worked most of the holidays this year so I would have them off for all your “firsts”!!  Santa was good to mommy this year! He brought me all things to pamper myself with like a spa for my swollen feet and a towel warmer for the shower. Your uncle got you a tiny little Mets outfit that your pop did NOT love-this will be an ongoing battle, get used to it…I can’t wait to see which team you actually wind up following: the mets or the skankees yankees! Before you make your final decision just remember who carried you for 10 months! (I can’t wait to guilt you with that for the rest of your life)!

We are officially down to 2 week visits at the OB’s office! Holy shmozes we are really getting down to the wire! I took my glucose tolerance test last week and you loved the sugary goodness of that drink and were kicking before i even had it all down! The results came back fine and we do not have gestational diabetes…not for a lack of trying might I add, we really need to start eating some salad :/

Grandma came over yesterday and we started to clean out your room. We picked out the colors and purchased the paint, all that’s left to do is decide on which chair rail I will use! I am thinking of ordering your furniture the end of the month and by the time it arrives there will only be a month left. Yowza.

Well kiddo I think that’s it for now, keep on kicking 🙂